• jennafrey96

Finding my place in the Middle (school)

I graduated (moved up) from 5th grade into 6th grade. The Middle school was in the backyard of my elementary school.

6th grade started out odd for me. Missed the bus on the first day so my dad drove me. I remember my outfit, sadly, all too well. That was the summer I cut my hair to my shoulders simply because Selena Gomez did it that year..... makes sense. It was a foggy gray September morning so my little italian curls looked like I was electrocuted. I was wearing a dark gray shirt from khols... and to top it off jean capries and hot pink skechers. It was the look of the century. My school bag was black with birds on it from Aerie, the best store ever. That bag was probably filled with more High School Musical locker magnets than books....

It was my first year starting in a special education classroom. I was terrified. Terrified of what my 'friends' would think, terrified that word of me in a 'dumb' classroom would get around and no one would want to hangout with me anymore.

I remember walking into my classroom. The floors smelled of waxed cleaned wood. The walls were so white, so white that it hurt! There were barely any pictures on the walls which made me feel unsafe. I sat at the table with two people i recognized from orientation. As I looked up, two boys jumped into the classroom, laughing and smiling ever so big! My first thought was "how could they possibly be so happy right now."

The one boy sat next to me, and his friend sat right across from him. The one next to me called his friend and both signaled to look at me and they both winked and smiled...."great." I thought.

It did not take me long to become the little mayor of that classroom. There were only a total of 11 kids in that class, and I never felt so 'fitted in' in my life. Those 11 kids became more than my friends. We spent most of our days in that classroom together and even other classes too. We stuck together. Stood up for each other. Watched each other's backs and understood each other. It was a breath of fresh air to be with others who understood life like I did.

I still even had friends outside of that classroom. Those friends i still keep close to me every day.

if you ask me, 7th grade was my favorite year. If you asked 13 year old me, that was the year I got my 'first' boyfriend, found my bestest friends, and bloosmed in my personality. We had the same 11 kids, but got added two more, so now it was a class of 13!

In the middle of class, sometimes I would find myself getting up to check on my friends or even ask if I could help the others out.

You ask me now, that is where everything all began for me. There were only a few kids in my class who were a little bit lower than me. They just needed more help and assistance. I just felt more drawn to help those kids. They would warm my heart so much.

Those years in Middle School were really just trying to prepare me for now. My career is based on helping individuals who have developmental disabilities. I went through those friendships so easily, but only one managed to stay by me. As for the boyfriend..... that was literally just the god damn beginning....

Middle School is called 'Middle School' simply because you are in the middle grades, in the middle ages of the years ahead of you. So I believe, everything you learned and experienced in that age, is a form of foreshadowing in your years ahead.

I always believed in 'Love at First Sight' and meeting 'The one'. The day I met my first boyfriend.

It was the first day of a new semester, so that means new classes! 6th grade Health Class (ironic) around 12:35pm (I remember the strangest things) I was sitting in the first row about five/six seats down. There it was again, as I looked up at the door a boy walked in smiling so bright the room stopped... he flipped his skater hair out of his face (lol) and we made eye contact. My heart was in my throat. Or butt. Or head. Ugh it was beating so loud I'm sure everyone heard. I ran out of class that day, down the hall, over to my friends locker and GUUUSHED about him. I couldn't stop.

Zack Weston was my first biggest non celebrity crush and I couldn't handle it. He made me laugh all the time in class with his silly little peanut gallery comments. It was the bad boy, mysterious eyes, and heart stopping smile.

But wait, I see him in the hall... this is my chance I'll talk to him outside of class! I make my way over to him, we are making eye contact and we both smile at each other... but wait... there's a girl next to him... oh wait... they are holding hands.... oh shit, she's prettier than me, damn it! She's taller than me (most are) oh my god they just kissed I RAN into the girls room and into a stall.

Any chance I would get to talk to him, I would. All my friends told me to ask him out and make the first move. Some reading this may even call me a tease *shrugs*

It wasn't until 7th grade in March when I asked him to be my boyfriend. HE SAID YES

Awww puppy love

Not so much.

We weren't aloud to hangout outside of school until 8th grade. The summer going into 8th I gave him my number (big steps here)..... dude didn't call me until end of august...... nice.

Zack didn't have an easy home life. His upbringing was heartbreaking. I felt for him. His heart wasn't available, so I gave him mine.

And than, he cheated.

I forgave him

He cheated again

I ignored it

He did it again.

Needless to say, not only was it an emotional abuse, but sometimes physical in the most subtle way. I didn't even see it or realize until my mother pointed out bruises on my hips or back from him tickling me too much (sometimes it hurt) but I didn't want to hurt him.

That relationship ended very badly in unhealthy ways.

It took me a real long time to heal properly. I don't believe I ever fully did. You just learn, pick up the pieces left, and walk away.

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